Longgggggggggg Vaca, Lots of Good Stuff

Hi All!! After nearly two years since posting here I am back. Amazingly better than ever.

Let's talk about control for a bit shall we?

Let's say I'm your friend and I feel you should do what I want you to do. How does that feel when you want to do something else? Not good huh? Of course not.

Can you change someone who is controlling? Sometimes. First you have to have boundries, communicate them and then maintain them. Like, I want to borrow all your clothes but I don't share mine with you. So...... you say, "No Joan, sorry. I don't lend my clothing but thanks for admiring them." I can then choose how to behave right? Of course! I can be gracious and appreciate your honesty and respect that you don't loan your clothing or can be a total jerk and try to manipulate you into letting me wear them.

The choice YOU must make is whether you're going to put up with people who want you to do what THEY want who go farther than just suggesting you do something and respecting whatever decision you make from there.

Here's a hint: DUMP the people who want to control you. Oh! It's your parents? And you're an adult? And they put you down for the kitchen color you chose but you are paying for the apartment and paint on your own? Do let them know you appreciate their input but have made your decision and like your choices. If they continue you can choose to distance yourself.

Here's the thing. Lots of people try to control others largely because they feel inadequate themselves. Rather than fix their own lives, they try to fix YOURS. The same techniques that fail in their decision making for themselves will cause you to fail as well.

Be your own person, follow the law, be a good person but don't put up with controlling people. They feed off that control and it escalates. When they are told NO they often act much worse especially if you've given them control at times. You can't pick and choose. The yes is accepted the no is faught tooth and nail many times. Say no from the start and if you must, stop interacting with them if they can't respect your boundries.

Remember, if you don't respect and maintain your boundries, who else is going to?

Hugs,
Joan