On Sadness

Abuse creates many feelings. The fallout from dealing with abuse is almost uncountable. Let's talk about sadness for a moment though.

Say you're safe from abuse, living your life, and suddenly WHAM!! You feel so sad and so down. Say you pick yourself back up, reassure your inner child that you're both safe now and keep going and what? WHAM! Again! What is that? Frankly I have no idea why this happens but it does.

Do you have pressures from things you're not dealing with? If so this could be why. Please review the post on procrastination. I find that whenever I feel very very sad and down it's because I haven't taken care of the things I need to. When I DO get them taken care of it's like Christmas :). Free time, me time, fewer cares and worries, all good stuff.

Abuse puts burdens on people they don't need but procrastination doesn't help at all. Face those fears, do your chores, pay your bills or make arrangements and feel the weight lift off of you. If you don't have a job, apply for jobs :). When you get a job, hopefully one you love or at least like or that pays really well that you can stand, you'll also feel much better and less vulnerable.

Imagine a pile of undone things on your back, crushing you, pinning you down. As you get each one taken care of and eliminated, your burden lightens and you stand taller.

A disclaimer though, if you often find yourself sad and hopeless and you've taken care of these things and still feel that way, please see someone for help. Many things can cause depression and there is help for it. Please don't feel ashamed to ask for help.

Hugs,
Joan

Longgggggggggg Vaca, Lots of Good Stuff

Hi All!! After nearly two years since posting here I am back. Amazingly better than ever.

Let's talk about control for a bit shall we?

Let's say I'm your friend and I feel you should do what I want you to do. How does that feel when you want to do something else? Not good huh? Of course not.

Can you change someone who is controlling? Sometimes. First you have to have boundries, communicate them and then maintain them. Like, I want to borrow all your clothes but I don't share mine with you. So...... you say, "No Joan, sorry. I don't lend my clothing but thanks for admiring them." I can then choose how to behave right? Of course! I can be gracious and appreciate your honesty and respect that you don't loan your clothing or can be a total jerk and try to manipulate you into letting me wear them.

The choice YOU must make is whether you're going to put up with people who want you to do what THEY want who go farther than just suggesting you do something and respecting whatever decision you make from there.

Here's a hint: DUMP the people who want to control you. Oh! It's your parents? And you're an adult? And they put you down for the kitchen color you chose but you are paying for the apartment and paint on your own? Do let them know you appreciate their input but have made your decision and like your choices. If they continue you can choose to distance yourself.

Here's the thing. Lots of people try to control others largely because they feel inadequate themselves. Rather than fix their own lives, they try to fix YOURS. The same techniques that fail in their decision making for themselves will cause you to fail as well.

Be your own person, follow the law, be a good person but don't put up with controlling people. They feed off that control and it escalates. When they are told NO they often act much worse especially if you've given them control at times. You can't pick and choose. The yes is accepted the no is faught tooth and nail many times. Say no from the start and if you must, stop interacting with them if they can't respect your boundries.

Remember, if you don't respect and maintain your boundries, who else is going to?

Hugs,
Joan