On Integrity

Of course I'll begin with a definition to give us the opportunity to be of the same general understanding.

From the dictionary:

"in·teg·ri·ty (ĭn-tĕg'rĭ-tē)
[Middle English integrite, from Old French, from Latin integritās, soundness, from integer, whole, complete.]
noun
Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness."

When we speak of a person's integrity we say a person either has integrity or lacks integrity.

Think of the people you know in your life. Of those you can count on to BE THERE for you, do they HAVE or LACK integrity? Generally I think you'll find that they HAVE integrity. On occasion we find a drama queen or two will BE THERE but not for you, for the drama and usually to be in the center of it all. Ah, but that is for another discussion.

A dear friend recently said that anyone who really knows me would also realize that a lack of honesty and integrity are sure to ire me. This is very astute of her. What I have noticed time and again is that people will BLAME someone else for their lack of integrity. "She MADE me do it." or "If only so and so would have done X, I wouldn't have blah, blah, blah."

Does anyone really believe those are accurate reasonings? Please don't believe it. It defies logic to blame someone else for our choices.

When we have INTEGRITY, strong moral and ethical characteristics, we don't blame others for our choices. Instead, we accept responsibility for our choices and if we cause harm, we try to rectify things.

Sometimes when we exhibit strong morals and ethics in our behaviors people say we are being "mean". Is this really the case? If you answer yes, please read Cloud and Townsend's "Boundries" before continuing to read here ;). No, this is not the case.

Think about it for a minute though. WHY would someone say that a person with strong morals and ethics is mean? Well, there are many reasons. Feel free to list those that come to mind for you and we can discuss them. I'll present one scenario. The accusing person is doing something wrong and doesn't want it to be known.

A person who has something to hide will AUTOMATICALLY divert attention from themselves onto the person most likely to expose them. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. The saddest part is that a lot of people fall for it. THAT is another discussion as well, "Why people fall for lies."

Ideally we will cultivate and maintain strong morals and ethics (without becoming rigid and black and white in our thinking). The effect this will have IS to expose what isn't right and to take a strong stand for doing the right things for the right reasons. Encouraging others to take responsibility for their actions (those of you raising children like I am take note) is an excellent way to foster strong morals and ethics. If we are brave enough to admit when we are wrong, we are MORE likely to make the right choice the first time in a given situation right? Right. It really makes life easier and more clear.

The Question is.............

"Meg said...
Dear Joan:Why, (do you think), some people thrive on changes, while at the same time, others are paralyzed by changes?"

Hi Meg,

I cannot read other's minds but BUT I have observed and talked tomany people and here is a list of some reasons why people seem to be paralyzed by change: Fear of the unknown, complacency, laziness, habit. Please note that NOT ONE of these reasons are positive at all. The beauty of life is that we have choices. Each time we choose to do nothing, it is still a choice.

Others thrive on changes for many reasons as well. For me, it is a sense of accomplishment, meeting a challenge head-on and doing JUST FINE ;). Also, having one more thing checked off my to-do list is a good feeling as well.

Do we get there all in one day? Not likely if we are used to putting things off. Like anything, change takes time and putting one foot in front of the other. The feeling of accomplishment and the weight lifted by lessening the load is terrific though.

On Procrastination

Having perfected "putting off until tomorrow............." I decided the guilt of it was too much. Time for a new approach.

Though I don't do this 100% of the time, I'm always glad I have done it when I frequently do.

I believe I read about this in "The 9 Things You Simply Must Do........" by Dr. Henry Cloud. Things just don't get done when we put them off, find an excuse to do something else. "I'll get to it later", "I don't have timmmmmmmmmmmmmmme", etc. Examine how this works, putting things off, for you for a few days. Keep track of just one item you put off. Compute how many days/weeks/months/years/decades you put it off. Now, once you have that information jotted down, JUST DO IT.

How long did it take you?

You don't have to do this 100% of the time, NOT putting things off that is. Just do it for much of the things you need to do and see how much less stress and anxiety you find in your life.

Instead of waking up with dread at all that is undone, you can wake up knowing you've accomplish SOMETHING that otherwise would eat at you.

Sweet relief.

On Maturity

When I was growing up I heard adults complain about growing older. The constant fight against aging is very real in our society but I have found a huge benefit. The ability to take life in stride, be humorous in regard to hardship and to disregard living by other's opinions.

A difficult situtation is simply that. I look at it and consider that it is simply "what is" at the time and from there, make the necessary choice or choices to deal with it. There will be emotions involved depending on the situation but these are not to rule our decisions. Feel the emotion and set it aside. The decision made without emotion and based on the facts will be the best decision.

For those who are dependent on other's opinions, it's time to get a thicker skin. NEVER EVER will people agree. Living life based on "will so and so still like me if..........." or "my friends think I should.................." is a life based on handing your own free will away. This creates a perfect setting for those who would abuse you, take advantage. Your life is not your own, not fully.

Feeling or Fact?

I often encounter people who seem to misunderstand that there is a difference between feelings and facts.

Rather than use their discernment, I have witnessed people claim that a feeling they have is what is actually happening as if it is fact. Disturbing yes. For instance, a person I know claimed that they KNEW I did not like a particular person. Being prudent I stated, "You might FEEL like I do not like person X but what in my behaviors would indicate that I do not?". This person replied, "Well, nothing. You are always very nice to this person."

So, aside from a very rich imagination, this person had no factual basis to claim as fact that I did not like a particular person. IN FACT, my behavior toward the person being discussed was nothing but "nice". Rather than deal with the facts, my partner in conversation richly imagined that I did not like another person.

Silly really.

The Definition of Common Sense

It makes GOOD sense to be sure we are using the same definition of a word or phrase prior to engaging in discussion. From Webster's Dictionary I provide you with the definition here:

common sense
Function: noun
"sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts"

Have a great day! Joan